Brandi’s parents had lots of love to give, but open and frank communication was not their way. Her parents grew up believing that family business is kept in the family and never shared; this is what they had been taught by their parents and grandparents. Everyone was at the table for family dinners, and light conversation was welcomed and customary, but nothing deep was ever discussed. It was the unspoken rule. Brandi was the only one who dared to break it, and when she did, dismissal was swift and sometimes brutal from her other siblings. She was the odd one, at least that’s the way she always felt, and no one ever took the time to make her feel any differently.
Throughout her teenage years, Brandi sought the attention and validation of others, and sometimes this came with a very steep price. She was easily influenced by her peers, and this often led to situations that left her holding all the blame. She had become so used to accepting the fallout that after a while she no longer cared. Her parents were sometimes embarrassed by what they called ‘her acting out’, and whenever the school called home, they always figured it was something Brandi had done. The only person she ever felt was truly on her side was Ms. Birdie, her tenth grade English teacher. She saw right through Brandi’s shenanigans, and pushed her to try out for the drama team. It was the first time Brandi felt accepted. It gave her the confidence to consider the possibility of going to college.
After too much partying derailed her plans to finish college, she matured, married, and got busy raising her son, but there were moments where Brandi felt deep sadness. She’d mask it with a bottle of wine, and sometimes an occasional binge, but she always managed to quickly regain control and never once thought to give her sadness a name. It wasn’t until her marriage fell apart that she realized how deep the emptiness was inside. After the dust settled, she recognized that she had felt that way most of her life.
One of the truths many of us overlook is the reality that before we accept the Lord Jesus Christ, we are in bondage. This is never more evident than in the area of our emotions. 2Peter 2:19(NLT) teaches us how costly it is to allow our emotions to rule us. It tells us, “For you are a slave to whatever controls you.” This is a powerful truth! We are slaves to whatever we make our central focus, and the chains tighten because we’re oblivious to the extent to which our emotions are controlling our lives.
To be bound emotionally is to be trapped internally in a web of weights and heaviness that we commonly refer to as ‘internal baggage.’ It is a prison that is often deceptive because we don’t perceive the chains that bind us. We are held back, functioning every day, and all the while recognizing on some deep level that we are not who or where we were meant to be.
It is inevitable that whatever is beneath the surface will not remain there. There are many things we are drawn to without our thinking or knowing why. We can’t always know the root of why we feel so sad or why we continue to self-sabotage, but we can be sure it lies within our own souls, and it must be worked out. It must be exposed to the love of God, so that Christ becomes Lord even in those places we cannot name.
Through the Apostle Paul, God tells us in Hebrews 12:1(NLT) , “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” God tells us to strip off the weight that we’re carrying in our souls, because He knows it slows us down. We can be under no false illusions that sadness and pain can be anchored deeply within, and there can also be no doubt in our minds and hearts that God has equipped us through Christ to unburden ourselves of this sadness and pain.
Listen to your own story The tools of excavation are our mouths and minds. We all trust the voice of our Lord, but you must also understand that there isn’t another voice that you will trust more than your own. Some of us have never listened to our voices as we tell our own story in our own words. Your experiences belong to you. You alone have walked in your shoes, and only you and the Lord knows the depth of your pain. We can’t expect people to honor and respect us above the honor and respect we have for our own journeys. We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. Love yourself enough to have a conversation with God. He already knows everything there is to know about you, but you owe it to yourself to hear it in your own words.
Lovingly, respectfully, and honestly, speak openly with our Heavenly Father. Confess it all. Open your mouth and get it out! Empty yourself of all that has wounded and disappointed you. Give yourself permission to do this as often as you need. Ask God for His forgiveness and make a commitment to forgive yourself and to forgive those that have wounded you. Release the shame and give it all to our Redeemer and Savior, Jesus Christ. In Matthew 11:28-30, he invites us to give our burdens completely to him. Your steps to confront the things that have weighed you down and held you back in the presence of our Almighty God is a profound elevation in your faith in His healing power. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Your Journey in God’s Healing”, written for Springfield Fellowship © 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
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