“Boyfriend and Girlfriend”, what does that really mean as adults? What value do those titles hold, if any?
Alisha has been involved with Savon for over 10 years. Around us, her friends, she refers to him as her boyfriend, but in her cellphone, she brazenly lists him in her contacts as "hubby". This wouldn’t be such a bold move if his actions had given her any indication that he’d be a good spouse, but just the opposite is true. Savon has really put her through the ringer, and he’s done this so many times that most people would think it’s ridiculous to consider marrying him. They’ve broken up on several occasions, but no matter what he does, she always takes him back.
Having a child together complicates a relationship that is already in trouble, there’s no question about this. Alisha found out that after giving birth to Savon’s child, another woman was pregnant with his baby during the same time. He’s made many excuses for not being fully committed to Alisha, and as mind boggling as it may be, she has rationalized them all.
John 3:16(NLT) tells us, “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” God sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to rescue us from darkness, and He did this when we were at our worst. This demonstrates the depth of God’s love for us all. Our Heavenly Father gave us the absolute best because He wants us to have the best. He wants us to recognize that Jesus Christ is the blueprint of our design, and it is God’s Will that we walk in the love of Christ each day.
God’s love is no ordinary love. His love is infinitely higher than what we consider to be romantic love. God’s love exceeds our definition of how love feels and how it should operate. Contained within it is the standard for how we must love Him, others, and ourselves. He makes it clear in His Word that true love goes beyond feelings. True love is a commitment. It is honoring people and keeping your word. If someone lies repeatedly, makes excuses continually, is not committed to us, and has no intention of honoring a long-term commitment, we must accept the reality that trusting this person with our whole heart says more about us than it does about them. It says that we are willing to betray our greater good for crumbs from someone’s table.
Society’s standard for the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship changes frequently. It perpetuates causal and serial dating, and it puts dating seriously under the category of “living together, but not necessarily getting married.” By most of our standards, seriously dating someone involves monogamy, maturity, and the ability to remain committed. Exclusivity in a serious relationship generally means that both individuals have marriage to one another on their minds. They believe they’ve found someone compatible and can see themselves journeying together through life. Society tells us that both serial and serious dating are acceptable, but God tells us that marriage is His institution, and that marriage will always be the standard for intimacy between men and women. Our Heavenly Father warns us to guard our hearts and to be very careful that we never hurt anyone in any way, because the price of doing so is one we will not like paying.
The girlfriend-and-boyfriend relationship isn’t specifically mentioned in the Bible, but the Bible is packed with wisdom regarding respect, honor, morality, accountability, and love. God didn’t put a carve-out for dating in His Word because it wasn’t necessary. The Bible tells us His standard for how men and women should respect each other, and that is all that’s needed. We don’t get to try-on people like clothes to see how they fit. This isn’t love. 2Timothy 2:15(ESV) declares, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”We are all responsible to God to live by this spirit, and to practice His love through self-discipline.
2Corinthians 5:2 (NLT) tells us, “We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.” The heavenly body is a perfect body. It’s a body without sin, and this verse paints a contrast between our current human body and the resurrected body we will have when Jesus Christ returns. We become weary of our current body because of the urges to do want it wants rather than what God wants. Deep down, this has to be how Savon feels. He may not articulate it or even be conscious of it, but no one would cause such emotional pain to others unless they are in pain themselves.
There's a saying, "out with the old, in with the new!" This correlates to what God tells us to do in Ephesians 4:22-24(NLT), which commands, “22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God, truly righteous and holy.” This is what we all must do if we intend to have a loving and intimate relationship with God and have all the good things that He wants to give us.
He tells us in Ephesians 4:18-19 not to be empty-headed and empty-hearted, refusing to deal with Him and losing touch with His love. If we do this, we will live a life of causing and receiving pain continually, and none of us should want this. The girlfriend and boyfriend relationship can be a blessing, but only if both people love God and they are guided by the example of Jesus Christ. Savon has not yet learned to do this, but at any point in his life, he can turn things around through Christ. God will heal his heart if he will humble himself and repent for his sins. This is what all of us must do to be pleasing to God and to have a life that is pleasing to us as well.
English Standard Version (ESV), The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“Boyfriends and Girlfriends Or Marriage” written for Springfield Fellowship, Inc. by Penny Brown, springfieldfellowshipinc.org© 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
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