Cecil was what we used to call a serious player back in the day. In college, he was masterful at it. The thing is, everyone loved him. He was a talented, cute, and hopelessly romantic who never learned how to end a relationship. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, so he just kept dating them, and when his interest wondered elsewhere, he’d date that girl too. A memorable character, no one ever thought he’d settle down, but when I saw him twenty-five years after graduating, he had just celebrated his twenty-year wedding anniversary. He and his wife seemed genuinely very happy. As we reminisced about old times, I had to ask what made him finally decide to get married. He said that when he met his wife, she added so much to his life that he couldn’t not marry her.
Many men will not give themselves the gift that Cecil did. Serious conversations about marriage among men these days usually revolve around being financially stable. They don’t want to start looking for a marital partner until they feel financially secure. It’s a bit of an enigma, because in today’s environment, many women are already successful and financially able to care for themselves. They don’t need a man to take care of them financially. What’s principal in their minds is companionship. However, the central component that is often missed by both men and women is developing an appreciation for God’s purpose for marriage. It is appreciating the marital standard that He outlines in His Word.
When a single person understands that marriage is God’s institution, they either cease to destructively over desire marriage. Nor will they dismiss how important marriage is to our Heavenly Father. He is brilliant beyond brilliance. He is perfect in every way, and He never makes a mistake. There is never a need for Him to do a takeback, do-over, or a back-track. He does everything perfectly from the very beginning. He never changes because there is never a need for Him to change. He knows the end at the beginning and the beginning at the end. Marriage is His idea, and we have no other choice but to conclude that it is a very wonderful way to bless to His people.
It is not uncommon for men and women to roam around, serial dating for years. They are the dating wanderers who, either for themselves or others, leave a trail of heartbreak and disappointment. We have to know that this isn’t God’s Will. It is a sin to make a sport of playing with the emotions of another person, and the ramifications of multiple sexual partners can be spiritually damaging to us and our relationship with God.
The wrong believing that has crept into the psyche of the masses is to equate the concept of the non-committing, dating wanderer with the notion of freedom. Phrases like ‘sowing his wild oats’ or ‘playing the field’ are used to excuse men who might objectify women and sometimes exploit their emotions. In many circles, this is looked upon as a man expressing a form of physical freedom that he feels entitled to. The Word of God teaches us that this is dysfunction run amuck. Often the subconscious mechanism behind men who say they want to wait for financial stability before getting married is that of equating finances with power, and power with freedom. God’s Word cancels out this notion. Galatians 5:1 (NKJV) commands us to “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free.” God’s Law does not permit a duality of allegiance. Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:24(NLT), “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
If we see not having enough money as the problem, we will see having enough money as the solution. In both cases, money is the focus, not Christ, and therefore money is where we will have placed our allegiance. That’s a dangerous path, because whether it is lack or wealth, we become what we focus on. As children of His light, we are commanded to focus on God, and becoming more like Christ is our sole reason for being. Money does not nor can it ever make us free. Only the love of God in Christ makes us free, and this freedom is exacted in our lives through our obedience to do what God says, live how Christ lived, and love as Christ loved.
Ephesians 4:22-24(NIV) states, “22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” God requires His children of light to put off their former way of thinking, believing, and acting, because that old stuff is corrupt. It cannot be supported in the newness of Christ. The weight of it is too heavy to carry as we make ready for what God has in store. We are to throw off the old and put on the new mind of Christ. This is the mind that connects us to God, the mind that is able to receive and communicate with Him, Spirit to spirit.
The new self, fully immersed in the mind of Christ, cannot think “ME”, it is programmed for the “WE”. Unity is God’s heart. Unity carries forth the plan of God. Both the single man and single woman are obligated and commanded to cast off their perceived notions, assumptions, and agendas towards marriage; for marriage is an institution that belongs to God. He has established it for the betterment of humanity, and it is good and perfect. It can only be those things; for God can only give good and perfect gifts.
When we understand marriage with the higher mind of Christ, we see it in its proper context of God’s perfect work of unity in our powerful Redeemer. This is why the body of believers are called, “the Bride of Christ”. Marriage is the image of our unity with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This is evidenced in Ephesians 5:25(NKJV), which teaches, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” The marital union between a man and woman is a portrait of what Christ accomplished for us through his sacrifice and resurrection. Because of him, marriage is a continual reminder of our Savior’s love, as he strengthens us through our commitment to love our spouses.
The wisdom of Proverbs 18:22(NKJV) says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.” And so it must be realized that our appreciation for marriage is a reflection of how we view the supreme magnificence, power, love, and holiness of God. Our commitment to honor a woman through marriage signals our understanding of the freedom and unity of Christ. It is a sacred union that will be continually rewarded and favored by God. ■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. “Appreciating Marriage” written for Springfield Fellowship © 2022. All rights reserved. All praise and honor to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
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